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I wrote this poem after the 2017 Sonoma fires that took down so many dwellings like our beautiful Cinque Terre in Glen Ellen which was utterly destroyed. Anyway, I am very gratified to know that neighbors up there discovered that poem and honored their shinto temple which burned down by posting it on the burned remains. It was lovely to meet neighbors over a poem and an honor to see it posted at their property to commemorate their loss. See photo that follows poem.
NOTE: aparagraha is a sanskrit word expressing non-possessiveness, non-grasping or non-greediness. it is the opposite of the desire for possessions.
Aparagraha
shiva came through this place
smoke signals foretold
Destroyer
wiper of slates
Destroyer, you hit your mark
smeared your body with our ashes
crumbled our city
of material dreams, security illusions.
that which you have reduced to settled piles
disintegrates my grasp of worldly form
with one fierce sweep you’ve left me clinging
my fist clenching
nothing but material ash
oh shiva, open my eyes sealed by
beholding the “Plan”
my hands wail, they pound futile rage,
but all that is left is suffocating ash, a strangle of fear.
run! shiva has swept through here.
run for your life. run until you collapse in the horror stilled by the dissolution
and stand in it, melting like ice in fire
stand in the loss, in the center of it all, in the calm eye of the hurricane
release my false grip
travel through shiva’s eyes where destruction offers a path, that if taken
shows the soul beyond the pointless grasp, false security
aparagraha
shiva, destroyer
cut the cords to my grasp of that which is not my soul
leave only the cinders of what never belonged to me
force my hand open to lay on my heart
embrace eternal heart beat
let what has been taken
blow away in the winds
leaving me standing with palms open
on shiva’s purified ground.
fall into your grief, your strife, your weakness, my child
fall into my arms in a heap…
only then, when you are so vulnerable
can i awaken in you the consolation
the wisdom
the strength
that has been planted in you all along.
So be not afraid of your weakness, my child,
nor your tears — fall into it — use it to fall into Me (your Greatest You).
i am waiting. i am always here. bring your vulnerability to Me.
for only when you are feeling hopeless
is there an opening
for you to anchor
into your deepest power.
Art by Carmen Leon
i am rootless
the way my father taught me
i find my beginning in you
and in the illusion
of isolation
suffer my ending
every day.
i am rootless
housed in a cloud.
i find my meaning
in you
and
you
and You.
i am
attached to the sky
by the strands that whisper:
find my likeness in your face
imprint the code in your DNA
my blood in your veins.
ancestral ties are insignificant
to the recognitions of the heart.
i am lost without you
lost without finding you
am found when i Love you,
same as finding me.
we are One in the pulse
together we are found
through each other we are uncovered, discovered.
i am rootless
without you.
you spit lies to me
and i sip at sinking canoes in the harbor
before we drown together
for just a moment drinking tear water through our gills
my darts meet the water before meeting their mark
i shoot again, this time from my heart, a little straighter
to your heart, my mark
you sing a siren song and we echo together
in accordance now
we dog paddle
upon the Truth
discovering together
how to repair the sour boat
build it back to floating, dry and clean
row to shore
in time for sunset
rest in calm beauty
let Truth sink in and watch it sink again
before another day
sets its lies upon us
MoonPath by Diane Lee Moomey. See more of her incredible art at http://dianeleemoomeyart.com/
four fingers hiding, clinging stuck
peanut butter in your pocket
comfortable paste staid in their own quiet dark
stubborn fingers moaning, why must it be, why?
and what could pull you out of this butternut thicket
primordial ooze evolved to
trap your limp fist jammed in the jar
but the impulse to finger past the walls of manufactured candy cups, salted sugar imagination
covered and fooled into the sneaky center
of this candy bar life
encapsulated in a shell smoothed by words, ruling words
held tight by thoughts, entangled by the jingle in your head when half asleep.
take your hand from your pocket to tinker with the jewels, the soft songs and soaring dreams
past the squares, empty of the wonder of a fleeting moment
lighting on the tear drop of a mood, paintbrush of a tree
laughing daffodils and wild animal call…
take your hand from your pocket
show the world your treasure
the peanut butter is not your enemy, show it some sunlight
oil your skin with it, shine your bronze beauty with it and use what was hidden deep
where sunlight diamonds catch the glint of presence…
join your world
dance with your only World, this only One
eager elements wait to celebrate
what you held from view
that quality of aliveness unique to you
what you were afraid to draw out
the roots even gravity can’t hold down
that little thing inside of you that is so dazzling delight
the kernel of you, that’s been canned for so long, sealed tight
stuck
like peanut butter
in your pocket
Tree of Gold, courtesy of Ray Lobato see more of Ray’s art at raylobato.com
i want it all in my own time
the coming of the tomatoes
the taste of the equinox
in my own time, when i am ready
not when the rest discovered it and left me the spoils
i want it like a ripe peach breaking from tree
apart from the orchard, in its own rhythm
apart from the echo of others
not entrained like a grafted hybrid
let me discover it
in my own time, my own fashion
trusting i will claim it when i recognize it
not when you say its here, but when I feel
the shadow speaking to me
in a language not heard, not written down
let it come to me when my own sunrise speaks morning
when my eyes behold sunset and my third eye bursts gold
let me wait until this spirit, this unique expression, is ready to bloom
and not
a moment before.
Photo copyright Rodger Helwig
A recollection from my shamanic session on Mother’s Day with Elena Salazar, Intuitive Coach and Body Worker.
the moon is rising in the “V” of the tree
Vulnerability
where i am open and raw at the heart
soft white orb glows
fills up the chest of my thunder struck tree
houses the soft child
nested in the trunk
pearl essence dots the cells
and tiny moons multiply
the umbilical girl is tucked inside hugging her heart
the white radiance warms and lights the darks spots
the hard holes that hold
the teeth with cavities
the bark of the shelled-out tree is tough and strong
the trunk, it’s vibrant roots travel down, down
intuitively find the Mother womb, the Source
she welcomes and obliges
we are her children, she is our Mother
this is what is meant to be.
umbilical pumps the blood to the root
keeps us alive
and the moon light
softens the gaze
eases the blow of outer life
magnifies but heals
radiates truth, magnificence
soft child curls to red heart, her comforting gift
rests in the shade of morning glory
night bird flight.
then grey ball of guilt catches in throat
swells and blocks the flow but dams are necessary on this river ride
to measure out the flow
we get stuck and ask why, why
cry out in pain, misery, ego-self, dwarfed into material being…
the moon sings out, drink, drink
drink my moon milk
i serve moon milk to grey ball, shadow and child
this all takes time which
holds us in question, makes us do our homework
all the shame in the world won’t set you free
but love surely will if you are patient
know the moon milk is Mother’s milk, it nurtures
shaman sucks through a straw and calls the grey ball home, from where it came
all the grey ones inside disburse one by one
then the eddy breaks
and the cork that stopped me bobs down the river
go home, past life, go home hard memory misinterpreted, stuck in my body
shaman spews musk perfume, she taps my body
her rattles shiver me clear, fairy bells awaken my dream spirit
i sing my throat for sacred preparation
like a marriage, my throat must get ready
i tone it clear, sing it through
tap my heart, remind myself
i am tree embodied by Mother, rooted in Grand Mother
blessed by Grand Father, Given Guardians
i am shine
i am child nestled, but more than that
i am strong like tree
even though, like bark i am exposed to the elements, mortal and fallable
yet i am true
i can know who i am
i can root, take my time
know myself and own it
like the eyes of a tree i see the moon rising
and it is me.
Art by Carmen Leon
i wouldn’t trade you
for a pursed smile behind a locked heart
that looks so good in leotard suburbia
i wouldn’t trade
your spit and blue lips, punch in the throat
for all the gabled lawns in the hamptons
pretending tidy and wrapped in comfort
wouldn’t trade it even though everybody can see through
your thin white skin, you can feel it tear
seeking the purple birth of spring
i wouldn’t trade you for the ring around a fairy
money in the bank
or the symmetry of stable chemistry
it wouldn’t be real
i want you to feel, motherless chimpanzee
your acute appendicitis is as real as your eyes
drilling holes in the falsehood
driving down to the truth that hurts so real
i wouldn’t trade your feelings, thick and red like lava
that stops everything and burns
wouldn’t trade your pearl magic living side by side with fear
wouldn’t even trade the stricken hole in your mouth coughing up roles
like chicklets
staking your place until the earth rots and you pull up your roots
then set again
i wouldn’t trade what’s real
like the trying on of sizes
chewing the gum of bitterness
wouldn’t trade your shadow for the sky scraping transcendence
because it’s down here, down below where the portal is
i know you’ll find it because
you Are a sky-embracer Already.
i wouldn’t trade you for the world.
Here is a journey to do anytime you are not feeling at your best. This guided meditation is intended to clear your mind and recalibrate yourself to a higher healing vibration.
I remind myself we did not come here to be perfect. Afterall, as far as mistakes go, there is no perfect person on this earth! Perhaps we came here as faulty so we can experience humility, recovery, compassion and forgiveness. And yet sometimes we can feel so bad when we fall short. Being human is hard. Maybe we are just out of tune. Try this out as a remedy. Since it is not really a poem but written as a visualization, I have included an audio, which is more conducive than reading words. If you do this on your own you can use a singing bowl as an aid in the sound vibration, or you could try toning with your voice, or just hear it in your head. This is a great way to start or finish your day on the right note.
journey series: a rain drop
imagine the purist rain forest, or the highest mist of a mountain top
find yourself there and take a look around. feel the moisture in the air, take in the colors, feel the presence of this rich and vast place
a single rain drop emerges on this pristine plane
this drop is from the Source, it is pure, beautiful, brilliant and embodies truth and infinite love
it has been energized by its journey from earth to sea to cloud to rain drop
this drop has a deep wisdom and represents the highest divinity
take your time to experience it there in front of you. Take in being in the presence of this sacred drop. View the shape
see any colors it has, notice the size or any other characteristics
allow it to fully form in front of you and prepare to invite
the crystalline drop to you
it is there to heal anything you may need at this time. For example if you need a healing or attention on a part of your body, you can infuse the drop with that intention, if you need more serenity or release from something, send that message to the drop so it can adjust to give you the very thing your mind, body, thoughts or emotions need to transcend.
in this moment place the healing rain drop in the center of your body
you can imagine your body like a lake and see the drop gently splash down
making waves
feel this drop commune with your body, see it as a ripple in a lake, emanating from your center and expanding out
this drop has a certain vibration, a resonant sound
listen with your inner ear to hear the tone, allow yourself to equalize and raise your own tone to a higher vibration
allow the waves in your body to resonate with the higher vibration of this drop
the drop makes waves in concentric circles from the center of your body radiating out from your solar plexus cleansing and refreshing
clearing out
the circles expand to your lower body, then above radiating through your heart and chest, purifying, restoring and bringing you to your highest manifestation
the vibration sweeps lower to the trunk of your body, down your legs and imbues freshness, restorative power and higher intention in the space around your legs, below your feet and beyond
the ripples extend upward to your throat, neck and head permeating you with a higher vibration of truth, beauty and insight
this resonance extends out to the energy field that surrounds your body bringing you to a higher experience purifying and expanding your ability to love and be loved
this wave continues to flow through every part of you
expands your heart, clarifies your true voice, inspires your creativity, infuses wisdom and opens your insight to higher visions
every cell in your body imprints with the higher vibration of this sacred drop
this drop sends out vibrations of divine purity
resilience, fluidity
compassion, tolerance
this drop purifies, cleanses, heals and brings you to your best
you are ignited with a sense of your deeper, true self. See the purity and rightness in loving yourself entirely
wholly embracing and loving yourself on the highest level
this precious gift allows you to bring a higher love, a strong love filled with self-honor and respect to every interaction
this higher feeling sweeps through your system, through your energetic field and recalibrates
resets your previous energetic field, your frame of mind
feel these waves remove obstacles
heal your mind, change your thoughts
let it remind you of your inner divinity and allow that perfection to come to the forefront of you
allow these waves of higher thinking, higher love and insight to become you
Now, see that energy …..wave out beyond yourself and extend to others
to influence everything you touch today in a higher light
You have this resonance within you now, to keep always. You can re-experience this anytime throughout your day
You can allow this drop, as a precious gift, to ripple out and re-purify anytime you have troubling thoughts, or need to re-connect with your highest good
you are the wave of inner divinity, resonate with it, be it
live it today
and let yourself sparkle and shine in the drop of essence that you really are.
MoonPath by Diane Lee Moomey. See more of her incredible art at http://dianeleemoomeyart.com/
today is about consciousness
my lack of it
my fear of it
my desperation to be it
my struggle to embrace it, yet reject it
to run from it, like cool shade from hot sun
shade that grows like a monster or shrinks like a coward
staring consciousness in the mouth and swimming with it
delighting in it
tentatively allowing it to unfold me
uncrimp me
turn me into flowing
instead of road blocks of angst.
today is the blanket of consciousness around me
the sun card
that can absorb me
only as much
as i am willing
to let go
iwritemyself 