he will slide up to me and say
your time has come

and i will say
oh shit
although i’ve been anticipating this day my whole life
now that it’s here i don’t feel ready

that’s how everyone feels
he would say
except for maybe a Buddhist monk who spends his whole life meditating.
sure, there’s an occasional person who is so ready they surrender entirely when their time comes, but it’s not typical
that’s why I carry this hook. People think it’s a sickle, but it’s not, it’s a hook.

don’t get me wrong, i would say. i’ve had a lot of fun here
but it’s been a mixed bag
somehow things just never added up for me here
like maybe i didn’t become who i was supposed to be, or something
maybe this crossing will be the missing link

he would smile that gentle smile and hold out his hand to me
and that would be
the end of my life