raw from the tears
and dazed by the pure shock of it
i shuffled through his house
in the wake of his Final self-destruction
touching stuff he last touched

where the shot rang out
still ringing my ears

my tear-stripped cheeks
bearing my underseams
not much left of me without him

like seeing underwater
i was swimming surreal
everything still in its place
despite the implode

and here’s where he did it
in the shower, not much blood
just a tip of a bullet hole in the tile
neat and tidy

and the things he last touched
still in their places
except him
and i touch these things and wander around like i’m a ghost without him

shuffling like a zombie to his work table
where i see his hands
just as he left them
the curve of his fingers, one hand and then the other
my sweet brother’s hands
cast right there in lifeless form

crack in the throat of my heart
as i stand there
holding
his hollow hands

published in Loch Raven Review, Summer 2011
Honorable Mention, 2012 San Mateo County Fair

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