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furniture shared
and letters traded
hardly a thing I own
without your mark
i’ve nurtured you
as you threw up bile
and you shed tears
when I bled my heart
your ways become mine
and my heart yours
the line that runs between us unbroken
the knocking doors and answered phones
have always been eager between us
some unbroken lineage
we have to fulfill
we both laugh at the prospect
and toss back another cup of fate
you tell me your stories
and I tell you mine
we blend together in this weave
and it’s too late
to pull us apart
raw from the tears
and dazed by the pure shock of it
i shuffled through his house
in the wake of his Final self-destruction
touching stuff he last touched
where the shot rang out
still ringing my ears
my tear-stripped cheeks
bearing my underseams
not much left of me without him
like seeing underwater
i was swimming surreal
everything still in its place
despite the implode
and here’s where he did it
in the shower, not much blood
just a tip of a bullet hole in the tile
neat and tidy
and the things he last touched
still in their places
except him
and i touch these things and wander around like i’m a ghost without him
shuffling like a zombie to his work table
where i see his hands
just as he left them
the curve of his fingers, one hand and then the other
my sweet brother’s hands
cast right there in lifeless form
crack in the throat of my heart
as i stand there
holding
his hollow hands
published in Loch Raven Review, Summer 2011
Honorable Mention, 2012 San Mateo County Fair
papermoon existence
after mama died
“Maurine, your mother’s heart just stopped.”
and just like that
first grade, family easters, thanksgiving dinners, growing up with cousins: The End.
we hit the road
moving to a new town and another school and another town…
Palo Pinto- Amarillo-Dallas-De Ridder
bleeding through the veneer just a little more with each new school
El Paso-San Antonio
and Sulphur, Louisiana where I finally cracked
San Antonio-Dallas-Mesquite and Seagoville
before reaching California
disillusioned.
12 moves during 12 grades
left me wondering
where the hell we were
without my mother.
